Jenny Kane: Coffee, cupcakes, chocolate and contemporary fiction / Jennifer Ash: Medieval crime with hints of Ellis Peters and Robin Hood

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A Summer Wedding: Romancing Robin Hood

I’m away on my holidays this week, and so I thought I’d leave you with a little something to read. What better for the summer, than a wedding?

RRH- new 2015

Romancing Robin Hood is a contemporary romance is based on the life of Dr Grace Harper, a medieval history lecturer with a major Robin Hood obsession. So much so, that instead of writing a textbook on medieval life, Grace is secretly writing a novella about a fourteenth century girl called Mathilda, who gets mixed up with a real outlaw family of the day, the Folvilles. (Which you can also read within my novel!)

The problem is that Grace is so embroiled in her work and passion for outlaws, that real life is passing her by.

With her wedding approaching fast, Grace’s best friend Daisy can’t help wishing a similar happiness to her own for her Robin Hood loving friend…

summer wedding

Extract

…Daisy hadn’t grown up picturing herself floating down the aisle in an over-sequinned ivory frock, nor as a doting parent, looking after triplets and walking a black Labrador. So when, on an out-of-hours trip to the local vet’s surgery she’d met Marcus and discovered that love at first sight wasn’t a myth, it had knocked her for six.

She’d been on a late-night emergency dash to the surgery with an owl a neighbour had found injured in the road. Its wing had required a splint, and it was too big a job for only one pair of hands. Daisy had been more than a bit surprised when the locum vet had stirred some long-suppressed feeling of interest in her, and even more amazed when that feeling had been reciprocated.

It was all luck, sheer luck. Daisy had always believed that anyone meeting anybody was down to two people meeting at exactly the right place, at exactly the right time, while both feeling precisely the right amount of chemistry. The fact that any couples existed at all seemed to Daisy to be one of the greatest miracles of humanity.

She pictured Grace, tucked away in her mad little office only living in the twenty-first century on a part-time basis. Daisy had long since got used to the fact that her closest friend’s mind was more often than not placed firmly in the 1300s. Daisy wished Grace would finish her book. It had become such a part of her. Such an exclusive aim that nothing else seemed to matter very much. Even the job she used to love seemed to be a burden to her now, and Daisy sensed that Grace was beginning to resent the hours it took her away from her life’s work. Maybe if she could get her book over with – get it out of her system – then Grace would stop living in the wrong timeframe.

Daisy knew Grace appreciated that she never advised her to find a bloke, settle down, and live ‘happily ever after,’ and she was equally grateful Grace had never once suggested anything similar to her. Now she had Marcus, however, Daisy had begun to want the same contentment for her friend, and had to bite her tongue whenever they spoke on the phone; something that happened less and less these days.

Grace’s emails were getting shorter too. The long paragraphs detailing the woes of teaching students with an ever-decreasing intelligence had blunted down to, ‘You ok? I’m good. Writing sparse. See you soon. Bye G x’

The book. That in itself was a problem. Grace’s publishers and colleagues, Daisy knew, were expecting an academic tome. A textbook for future medievalists to ponder over in the university libraries of the world. And, in time, that was exactly what they were going to get, but not yet, for Grace had confided to Daisy that this wasn’t the only thing she was working on, and her textbook was coming a poor third place to work and the other book she couldn’t seem to stop herself from writing.

‘Why,’ Grace had forcefully expounded on their last meeting, ‘should I slog my guts out writing a book only a handful of bored students and obsessive freaks like myself will ever pick up, let alone read?’

As a result, Grace was writing a novel, ‘A semi-factual novel,’ she’d said, ‘a story which will tell any student what they need to know about the Folville family and their criminal activities – which bear a tremendous resemblance to the stories of a certain famous literary outlaw! – and hopefully promote interest in the subject for those who aren’t that into history without boring them to death.’

It sounded like a good idea to Daisy, but she also knew, as Grace did, that it was precisely the sort of book academics frowned upon, and she was worried about Grace’s determination to finish it. Daisy thought it would be more sensible to concentrate on one manuscript at a time, and get the dry epic that everyone was expecting out of the way first. Perhaps it would have been completed by now if Grace could focus on one project at a time, rather than it currently being a year in the preparation without a final result in sight. Daisy suspected Grace’s boss had no idea what she was really up to. After all, she was using the same lifetime of research for both manuscripts. She also had an underlying suspicion that subconsciously Grace didn’t want to finish either the textbook or the novel; that her friend was afraid to finish them. After all, what would she fill her hours with once they were done?

Daisy’s mobile began to play a tinny version of Nellie the Elephant. She hastily plopped a small black guinea pig, which she’d temporarily called Charcoal, into a run with his numerous friends, and fished her phone from her dungarees pocket.

‘Hi, Marcus.’

‘Hi honey, you OK?’

‘Just delivering the tribe to their outside quarters, then I’m off to face the horror that is dress shopping.’

Her future husband laughed, ‘You’ll be fine. You’re just a bit rusty, that’s all.’

‘Rusty! I haven’t owned a dress since I went to parties as a small child. Thirty-odd years ago!’

‘I don’t understand why you don’t go with Grace at the weekend. It would be easier together wouldn’t it?’

Daisy sighed, ‘I’d love to go with her, but I’ll never get her away from her work more than once this month, and I’ve yet to arrange a date for her to buy a bridesmaid outfit.’

‘Well, good luck, babe. I’m off to rob some bulls of their manhood.’

Daisy giggled, ‘Have fun. Oh, why did you call by the way?’

‘Just wanted to hear your voice, nothing else.’

‘Oh cute – ta.’

‘Idiot! Enjoy shopping.’

As she clicked her battered blue mobile shut and slid it back into her working clothes, Daisy thought of Grace again. Perhaps she should accidentally invite loads of single men to the wedding to tempt her friend with. The trouble was, unless they wore Lincoln Green, and carried a bow and quiver of arrows, Daisy very much doubted whether Grace would even notice they were there…

RH- RoS 2

Blurb

Dr Grace Harper has loved the stories of Robin Hood ever since she first saw them on TV as a girl. Now, with her fortieth birthday just around the corner, she’s a successful academic in Medieval History, with a tenured position at a top university.

But Grace is in a bit of a rut. She’s supposed to be writing a textbook on a real-life medieval gang of high-class criminals – the Folvilles – but she keeps being drawn into the world of the novel she’s secretly writing – a novel which entwines the Folvilles with her long-time love of Robin Hood – and a feisty young girl named Mathilda, who is the key to a medieval mystery…

Meanwhile, Grace’s best friend Daisy – who’s as keen on animals as Grace is on the Merry Men – is unexpectedly getting married, and a reluctant Grace is press-ganged into being her bridesmaid. As Grace sees Daisy’s new-found happiness, she starts to re-evaluate her own life. Is her devotion to a man who may or may not have lived hundreds of years ago really a substitute for a real-life hero of her own? It doesn’t get any easier when she meets Dr Robert Franks – a rival academic who Grace is determined to dislike but finds herself being increasingly drawn to…

Buy Links – All e-formats available (Paperback to follow asap)

Amazon UK- http://www.amazon.co.uk/Romancing-Robin-Hood-Jenny-Kane-ebook/dp/B00M4838S2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407428558&sr=8-1&keywords=romancing+robin+hood

Amazon.com- http://www.amazon.co.uk/Romancing-Robin-Hood-Jenny-Kane-ebook/dp/B00M4838S2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407428558&sr=8-1&keywords=romancing+robin+hood

***

Happy reading,

Jenny x

Interview with Marie Evelyn: The Turtle Run

It’s interview time at my blog today, and I’m delighted to welcome Marie Evelyn to the chair. Let’s pop the kettle on- but how many cups are we going to need/

Over to you Marie…

coffee and cake

What inspired you to write your book?

The Turtle Run was inspired by something my mother once witnessed in Barbados (described in the book). She came across barefooted, blue-eyed, fair-haired children struggling to carry buckets of water from a standpipe to their chattel house and learned that they were the descendants of the Monmouth rebels, who were exiled from England to Barbados in 1685.

This experience encouraged my mother to study more about the Monmouth rebellion, led by Charles II’s illegitimate son, the Duke of Monmouth. Although the book is contemporary, and has a strong romantic element, the theme is about how people’s lives are influenced by the fate of their ancestors. Certainly the miserable situation of many ‘Redlegs’ (to give them their politically incorrect name) was the legacy of their exiled forebears.

Do you model any of your characters after people you know? If so, do these people see themselves in your characters?

The self-interested Francesca was based on a neighbour and school classmate of mine in Barbados. (Name changed – of course). To be fair, she may have matured into a wonderful woman fighting for human rights since I was on the island, but when I knew her, all the indications were that she would take ‘shallowness’ to new depths.

The Turtle Run cover

What type of research did you have to do for your book?

My mother had a long association with Barbados and we lived on the island throughout my childhood. There was also a family connection to the Redlegs. My mother did a little research out there to try and discover more about the original exiled Monmouth Rebels but it was only many years later – after we had moved to the UK and my parents had retired to Dorset – that she was really able to research the beginning of the story, which has so many local connections with south-west England.

The Somerset Heritage Centre (http://www1.somerset.gov.uk/archives/) was a useful source of information and this short event in British history has inspired some really interesting books. But for a ‘Monmouth fix’, I would leave the non-fiction books and turn to Lorna Doone.

What excites you the most about your book?

The book has a strong theme of trying to understand the present through understanding the past. Although I am more interested in the challenge of writing a story where there is a connection between a contemporary character’s situation and the situation of his/her ancestors from hundreds of years before, just having characters uncover a secret about their own immediate family can be really engaging.

If you were stranded on a desert island with three other people, fictional or real, who would they be and why?

Enid Blyton would be one as I have a rather complicated relationship with her. Of course, several of her books were on the theme of children living on islands, though as practical guides to island-survival they would be pretty hopeless as the children never seemed to have much problem finding food, and never had go to the loo. I should be very grateful to her for firing my young imagination, but the problem was that I assumed her stories had some basis in reality. As my image of what England would be like was entirely informed by her books, I experienced no small disappointment when we did finally move here, and as for my subsequent experience of boarding school – let’s just say that I felt very misled. I would probably end up chasing her around the island pelting coconuts at her.

I would also choose Louisa Dixie Durrell – who must have been a real character but was reduced to ‘Mother’ in Gerald Durrell’s books and who seemed to have a very placatory role during her children’s squabbles.  I imagine she would act as peacekeeper on the island, and would try to persuade Blyton that I wasn’t throwing coconuts deliberately. Finally, I would have Baroness Elsa Schraeder (Captain Von Trapp’s fiancée in the Sound Of Music) to add a touch of style and class. She could enjoy the child-free island and use the time to reflect on her extreme good luck at losing Von Trapp and his warbling children to an ex-nun with a guitar.

I guess our survival would depend upon Enid Blyton’s expert naturalist knowledge, and I would have to hope that she’d forgotten the whole coconut-pelting episode.

Links

https://www.facebook.com/Marie-Evelyn-920546144697589/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Turtle-Run-Marie-Evelyn/dp/1783753277

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28330185-the-turtle-run

 Marie Gameson photo

 

Bio

Marie Evelyn are a mother and daughter team originally from the Caribbean but now based in the UK.

Mother Margot (Margot Gameson née Evelyn) has been published previously as Mary Evelyn and daughter Marie Gameson was longlisted for The Bridport First Novel Prize in 2015. The Turtle Run is their first novel together and is based on their firsthand experiences of growing up in Barbados, showing a side of the island probably unknown to most visitors.

A former journalist, Margot in particular has seen the island go through a lot of changes, especially in the lead up to independence – Barbados celebrates its 50th anniversary as an independent nation this year. However The Turtle Run shows there are still resonances of its lesser known history on the island today.

The family moved to the UK in the 1970s and eventually settled in an area where many of the Monmouth rebels originally came from. Margot is now retired and Marie works in IT.

***

Wonderful interview, many thanks Marie,

Happy reading everyone,

Jenny xx

Guest Post from Nicola May: Fast Love

I’m delighted to welcome Nicola May back to my blog today, to chat about her brand new novel, Love Me Tinder.

Over to you Nicola…

When I started dating not everybody had a mobile phone, so you would arrange to meet somebody at a certain place, at a certain time and it just happened.

Now to be honest I’m exhausted by all the technology that comes along with it. I mean what happened to good old fashioned courting? Rather than having to work out which is the best mode of communication for progressing the relationship; is he a Facebook messenger type of guy or does Skype float his boat? Can I not instead just pick up the remarkable object that was designed originally for vocal, yes vocal communication and talk to him?

I feel that so much gets misconstrued through messaging and I’m the sort of person who wants to know someone’s real honest feelings from the get go. Modern dating doesn’t encourage this level of intimacy. When someone likes me, I want them to call and show me that, instead of playing the texting game, which seems to have become the norm right now.

The current information overloaded digital world, where people’s minds need to be fed with whatever it is every ten minutes has transferred to the dating game and I think that this fast way of looking for love should slow right down.

To be honest, I don’t think the majority of people give relationships a chance anymore; a slight imperfection in character or looks and you can cruelly replace someone with the touch of a button if you so wish.

love me tindeeeer change position

Maybe you are just looking for Fast Love as in George Michael’s hit song, but if you are looking to settle down I think you should take note of writer, Margaret Atwood who said. ‘If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.’  There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or person for that matter. And, sadly as you get older you realise that there are rarely the happy ever afters you read about in novel’s like mine.

And, if today’s reality is thinking that you never have to compromise on something to make it work, there are going to be a lot of shocked single people left out there.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all doom and gloom. I kept my internet love search as real as I could and actually went on some very fun dates and met some interesting men. I didn’t find my Mr Right, however what I did find was that there was so much to write about!

In fact, almost immediately I realised that the minefield of good, bad and indifferent dates I encountered was a gift for creating interesting and amusing plot fodder, and so the idea for Love Me Tinder was born.

In brief Love me Tinder revolves around heroine, Cali Summers who decides to hit the world of fast love after her marriage breaks down.

Using room 102 in the hotel where she works as her dating ‘lair’, she opens herself up to a world of sex, lies, deception, as well as personal discovery and passionate romance.

This book is for anyone who has immersed themselves into the crazy world of app or internet dating or in fact anyone who wants an insight into what it’s all about.

It is a romantic comedy, but I also wanted to address the issue of fast love in today’s modern world and I hope I have managed to do this in a sympathetic, realistic and head nodding creating manner.

Link to book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Me-Tinder-Nicola-May-ebook/dp/B01HD2QN4O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469186443&sr=8-1&keywords=love+me+tinder Twitter: nicolamay1

Website: www.nicolamay.com Love Me Tinder is out NOW as an eBook.
nicola orba

Biography

Nicola lives in Ascot in Berkshire with Stanley her rescue cat. She has a penchant for Prosecco, ripe peaches and flapjacks. Love Me Tinder is her eighth novel.

***

Many thanks Nicola,

Happy reading everyone,

Jenny x

 

 

Interview with Colette Kebell: Retail Therapy

It’s interview time! Today I’m delighted to welcome Colette Kebell for a cuppa and a chat.

coffee and cake

What inspired you to write your book?

Honestly being made redundant coupled with a hunger to get back to something that I enjoyed both at school and since, though prior to being made redundant, life just seemed to get in the way what with work, home life, dogs, hubby and just plain thinking I had lost any talent I thought I had due to the drudgery of a 9-5 job.

Do you model any of your characters after people you know? If so, do these people see themselves in your characters?

I have loosely modelled a number of my characters not only on myself and my husband but other friends and family.  Other than my husband, of course, none have mentioned to me that they saw themselves in my characters.  I guess I’m pretty good at hiding where my inspiration for each came from. Having said that I’m not sure whether that is a good or bad thing though.  It might sometimes be seen as complimentary to the person or persons involved, though not in every case.  There are a number of characters that I’m sure if those real life people had read my books, despite not recognizing themselves, would still enjoy as I have made even the villains humorous, I just couldn’t resist that one.  Afterall, Chicklit/RomCom are by their very nature meant to be funny, at the very least some of the time.

What type of research did you have to do for your book?

As far as research goes, I basically read a lot, wrote in a round about way about my own life experiences and used the internet as much as I could to fill in any gaps.  I hasten to add that they are far from biographical, but during my 50 years I have led a life during which I was fortunate enough to experience quite a variety of jobs, relationships, locations, foreign travel.  I guess, due to my parents having moved a lot and growing up being moved from place to place, I became rather resilient.  I am quite shy though so although friendships take a while to develop, usually I keep those friends for many years. 

Which Point of View do you prefer to write in and why?

The point of view I’ve used in all the novels is the first person.  Although this limits the descriptions to what the protagonist sees by way of experiences, I feel it is the one that also engages most with the readers, makes them live a life from the protagonist’s point of view.

Do you prefer to plot your story or just go with the flow?

I rarely plot a storyline.  I tend to go with the flow and see where the story takes me as it unfolds.  I did have some input from my husband during the writing process, discussing possible routes to take etc but at the end of the day, if the story doesn’t flow then, to me at least, it seems forced.  I don’t even have an idea of a title when I start off with a new book.  Having said that, one of my current WIPs, the whole story has materialized from my having the title to be begin with, so there is no hard and fast rule. 

What is your writing regime?

Due to having a very supportive husband and the kind of life we have had to lead the past few years, due to attempting to sell our home (which took 2 ½ years) my writing regime is almost non-existent.  I don’t mean to say that I don’t write as obviously if that were the case I wouldn’t have already self-published two books.  Having said that I write when I am in the mood, do marketing when I can, and am still learning the whole self-publishing process so there is plenty to keep me occupied.  My husband has had some involvement too as without him Blue and Green Should Never Be Seen! (Or so Mother Says) would never have been translated into Italian.  That far from simple task fell to my husband and by all accounts he thoroughly enjoyed doing so.  It took quite a while though as he does have a full-time job as well which keeps him pretty busy.

What excites you the most about your book?

I find it incredibly hard to put my finger on any one thing as there are so many elements to the writing process.  The laughter in our household during the writing process came first, as my husband read and discussed each of my books, just to give me another perspective.  Then there is the thrill of receiving each of them back from the copy editor, first sight of the covers, each and every review I read… there are just so many to choose from…

Colette Kebell covers

If you were stranded on a desert island with three other people, fictional or real, who would they be and why?

This one I found to quite a simple question.  The first person that jumped into my head, obviously for their talent, but also basically as a piece of eye candy, would be Hugh Jackman.  I just don’t consider that I could ever get bored of being around him.  Secondly, I would have to think of my survival so although Bear Grylls might come to mind I think I would prefer Robinson Crusoe.  Lastly, but by no means least I would have to say Joanna Lumley as we would certainly have a laugh when things got tough and she is such a trooper.  I could have said Michael McIntyre, but, do I honestly want to be surrounded by men?  With no female company I might just return to my tomboy status of my youth having fought somewhat to find my feminine side.

Anything else you’d like to share with us?

I guess, other than mentioning my books, which I’m sure you will do, I would like to mention that though the going is a little slow on them currently, I have three WIPs.  One is the follow on from Blue and Green Should Never Be Seen!, one is a further Chicklit which this time is set in New York and so I hope I can do it justice never having been there and the third is somewhat of a secret at this point as, just the title on it’s own, might give other authors ideas…

The books links are:

Blue and Green

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RG43YM4

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00RG43YM4

The Retail Therapist

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0106J3D9E

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0106J3D9E

Senza Tacchi non mi Concentro!

It: https://www.amazon.it/dp/B01E2GN02M

As far as e-readers are concerned, I’ve covered all the bases as my books are available from all the usual haunts.  All but the Italian book are also available in paperback, on request from bookshops and libraries worldwide.

Colette Kebell

Bio

After being a Legal Secretary for about 10 years, Colette was on the hunt to find something else that she would find just as interesting. She found that in writing and she hopes you like what you read. She loves fashion with a passion (pardon the pun) and therefore it is not surprising that her debut novel was going to follow that theme.

Her debut novel was “Blue and Green Should Never Be Seen!” which was followed by “The Retail Therapist”, both of these being romantic comedies/Chick Lit, a genre she adores.

When she’s not in writing mode she enjoys experimenting in the kitchen, a task that usually produces good results; as her husband would say, as opposed to “his” experiments which often end in a culinary disaster.  She lives in Coastal Kent, UK with two adorable dogs. Oh yes, and hubby too.

You could also look at her website and see what news is on there at

http://www.ColetteKebell.com  or follow her on either twitter https://www.twitter.com/ColetteKebell   or Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ColetteKebellAuthor

***

Many thanks for a great interview Colette,

Happy reading,

Jenny x

Guest Post from Nell Peters: Birthday Sharing

Somehow we’ve reached the end of another month, so I’m handing over my site to the lovely Anne Polhill Walton- aka crime writer- Nell Peters. Once again Nell has provided a brilliant blog- although a certain Mr Connery may not think so…you’ll see what I mean!

I urge you my friends, to read right to the bottom of the blog today. Life is full of twists of fate, some kind, some not so kind…

Birthday cake

Thank you, Jenny – and hello again, everyone J

As I mentioned in my last post here, Jenny and I celebrate our birthdays in July – both on the 13th in fact. Unlucky for some – most especially me, as I was born on a Friday, according to my mother … which explains a lot. So, too late now for you to shower us with impressive gifts this year, but most definitely a red-letter date in your 2017 diary. We share our big day with Sir Patrick Stewart, who boldly went – although not being a fan of Star Trek, Captain Kirk was at the helm last time I saw the programme. Then there’s Ian Hislop of Private Eye, who has also on occasion boldly gone, but in his case into print, closely followed by a court appearance, defending a libel case. Harrison Ford joins the line-up too, he of Han Solo and Indiana Jones fame. I’ve never seen Star Wars – do I sense a theme here, as in I seem to avoid anything with ‘star’ in the title? I do quite like Starbucks however, but only for tea as I don’t drink coffee (just don’t tell coffee addict Jenny!)

With four sons, I was unable to avoid all the Indiana Jones films – did I really read recently they are making another? Seriously? Harrison Ford is well into his seventies and his on-screen father, Sean Connery, is more than ten years older than that! They’ll surely be cavorting around, wronging rights from their bath chairs? Probably pushed around by scantily-clad beauties, though, as Hollywood OAPs are somewhat more attractive than the common or garden variety – they perhaps don’t need their Winter Fuel Allowance either, in sunny California.

There is a Connery connection to Jenny – not Sean, but his nipper Jason (he of the long, flowing locks), who played the eponymous role in the last of the Robin of Sherwood TV series many years ago. Where does the Jenny link come in, I hear you ask – go on, please ask, or I’ll have to think of something else to prattle on about (imagine a sad, pleading face here – oh, and violins playing). Well, Jen has had a bit of a thing about Robin Hood since she was a wee gel – one of her books is even entitled Romancing Robin Hood (and a sequel is brewing) – you don’t get much more dedicated than that. After a gap of thirty years, surviving members of the original TV cast have reprised their roles in The Knights of the Apocalypse – an audio drama crowdfunded by fans. We could speculate that they went for an audio production because there simply wouldn’t be enough Polyfilla available for the cast to appear recognisably on screen, but that would be cruel. I have seen a pic of Jason C, however – gravity has taken effect with a vengeance and his only hair now is sprouting from his chin. Whatever … while our ardent groupie Madam Kane managed to blag a ticket and hobnob with the stars at the premier performance (I’ve seen those pics too!), for me the best thing is that the production company is called Spiteful Puppet – genius name!

I digress: our communal birthday was on a Wednesday this year, but both Jen and I had the main event the weekend before – in my case, a family invasion for a BBQ on the Sunday. #4 son arrived early with his family, acting quite strangely (not wholly unusual), and holding a large cardboard box. When I asked what was in said box, he said he’d brought a load of crisps along because it’s not something we ever buy (true) and guests might just fancy a scrunch or two. He then sat me down and told me to immediately open the gift he shoved under my nose – a large bag of Pavlova the chicken’s favourite bird seed was revealed. Card next; on the left hand side were the questions ‘Do you know who Svetlana Alexievich is?’ and ‘What is she famous for?’

I coaxed the long-dormant brain cell into life and gave him my answers, before being dragged outside (in my slippers! Tsk!) to inspect the crisp box … even I (Miss Hopelessly Naive 1802) was beginning to smell a rat by then. When the box was opened and tipped up gently on the grass, not a rat but a chicken emerged! A sister/playmate for Pavlova! Double trouble! And she had already been named Svetlana after the Nobel Lit Prize winner by #4 (maybe the school fees weren’t 100% wasted, after all?)

Bluebell

Svet is a magnificent Bluebell hen – her plumage has a definite blue hue in a certain light, and she was sixteen weeks old when she moved in. She is bigger than Pav with feet large enough to support a strapping 25 lb turkey, perhaps even a Pterodactyl. #4 lives more rurally than us and he chose Svet from a farm local to him, where numerous birds were housed in a large pen with a sandy floor. She was picked up on BBQ day and transported to her slightly more glamorous life – a third of an acre with grass underfoot – on the back seat, just as carefully strapped in as the GDs.

chickenPavlova was doing one of her nesting stints when Svetlana arrived and so they didn’t meet until the next morning, when Pav came to feed – she was a little put out, but feathers didn’t actually fly and since then, while not yet bosom (or chicken breast) buddies, peace has been declared and there is no battle of the beaks to rule the roost. They really couldn’t be more different in personality (yes, they do have personalities!) – while Pav is quite skittish and aloof, rather like a cat who tolerates our presence as long as we know our place and keep her well fed, Svet is really laid back and friendly and follows us around like an adoring puppy. She doesn’t even mind the Grands chasing her and also talks incessantly (which the old chick on the block has never done, apart from very loud crowing when she thinks it’s chow time) making sort of mewling noises, rather like a Moomin with feathers.

Finally, I have reached the conclusion that the OH has been around my warped sense of humour for way too long and has lost his immunity. When no one was looking, he retrieved one of those Nando’s chicken on a stick things (liberated from the restaurant years ago by one of the boys) and stuck it in the grass by the communal food receptacle. Really!

NandosToodles! NP

***

PS-

OK, that was my original post for Jenny, written a couple of weeks in advance.

I’m so very sad to report that both Pavlova and Svetlana have since been killed – most likely suspect a cat new to the neighbourhood, that I’ve spotted in the garden at all hours of the day and night.

I know this is a first world problem – that there is dreadful carnage and unimaginable human suffering globally, to which the loss of two spoiled chickens cannot possibly compare, but I do so miss them. For instance, there is no one to greet me when I take an early morning stroll in the garden – they’d spot me a mile off and speed toward me with their silly run-trot, Pavlova making the most unholy din. Of course, I realise they were after food and not my scintillating conversation, but they always made me smile. And Svetlana, being a cheeky young upstart, had taken to sitting on the back door mat if the door was open, a few yards away from me when I was using my lap top at the table – just hanging out.

Goodbye, and thank you, little feathered friends. XX

***

Many many thanks fro such a great blog Nell. I shall certainly miss hearing about your chicken friend’s adventures. Pavlova in particular had become a very definite character in her own right. Thank you for sharing so much of her mischief with us on this blog. Hugs. Jenny xxx

(I can’t begin to imagine what the very lovely Mr C junior is thinking if he is reading this right now!!)

***

Bio

Nell Peters writes psychological crime novels and is published by Accent Press. Her next protagonist is going to be a chicken.

By Any toher name bus

mybook.to/BAON

Hostile witness bus

mybook.to/hostilewitness

Interview with Claire Morley: Tindog Tacloban

It’s interview time again, and I’m delighted to welcome Claire Morley to my blog for a cuppa and a chat. Why not put those feet up and join us?

coffee and cakeWhat inspired you to write your book?

In November 2013, Super Typhoon Yolanda slammed into the Philippines. I had wanted to do some volunteer work for a long time but circumstances had never allowed until March 2014, when I set off for Tacloban, the city worst hit by this natural disaster.

I wanted to make people aware of the aftermath of the typhoon and initially thought I would write articles for various publications and with that in mind took thousands of photographs and interviewed over 40 survivors, volunteers and relief workers. On my return to Cyprus (where I live) my partner suggested I take the information I had gathered and turn it into a fictional novel instead. It took me a year to research and write, but Tindog Tacloban was the result.

Tindog Tacloban jpeg 72dpi

Do you model any of your characters after people you know? If so, do these people see themselves in your characters?

Actually one of the main characters, Helen, is slightly modelled on myself, she too is volunteering for the first time, although she achieves a lot more than I did!!

What type of research did you have to do for your book?

Obviously from some aspects, the research was done in the field, as I was actually there and witnessing the aftermath of the typhoon. However, it was the interviews which gave me the first-hand knowledge of what living through a typhoon was really like, and I did weeks of research on how typhoons work. I also contacted an organization which is fighting to raise awareness of Webcam Sex Tourism and they very kindly send me their reports on the work they are doing, so I could talk about it realistically.

Do you prefer to plot your story or just go with the flow?

I think I employed a bit of both for Tindog Tacloban. I initially had an idea of where the story was going and had a timeline, but as I wrote it built up its own flow. I swim every day and that was a great time for me to work out how build on the plot and the characters and when I got stuck, I would sit with my partner and a glass of wine in the evenings and we would discuss how I might get from one aspect of the book to the next.

What is your writing regime?

I wrote every day, I had a number of words in mind, sometimes it was hard work to reach it and quite frankly, sometimes it was utter rubbish, but other days the words flowed and I could get much more written. The idea was to keep a momentum, knowing how easy it would be to let things slide if I didn’t write one day and before you know it a week can pass. So I did try to be very disciplined.

What excites you the most about your book?

The fact that I actually wrote a whole book. I’m not always good at finishing things I start!! And that it has made people aware of a form of human trafficking, which I hadn’t heard of until I attended a workshop in Tacloban. I detest human exploitation, so if I can do anything to raise awareness of something like this, it’s a good thing.

Anything else you’d like to share with us?

All money raised from sales of Tindog Tacloban go to the charities I worked with while I was there, so I am continuing to help the people whose lives were affected by Super Typhoon Yolanda.

***

ABOUT THE BOOK

In the aftermath of the fiercest typhoon on record to hit land, banners bearing the words Tindog Tacloban started to appear all over the city. Meaning Rise Up Tacloban, they were a testament to the determination and resilience of the Filipino people as they tried to rebuild their shattered lives.

For many, things would never be the same:

Izel Sombilon watched in horror as two of his children were ripped from his arms and swept away by the huge storm waves

Eleven year old Lika Faye was plunged into the sordid underworld of Webcam Child Sex Tourism.

For Helen Gable volunteering in the typhoon ravaged area was a chance for her to come to terms with her own personal tragedy.

***

Links

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B014JGI0H0

Twitter: clairemorley @clairemorley15

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/clairemorleyauthor

Author small

Bio

Claire Morley lives in North Cyprus with her dog, cat and partner, Steve.

In her previous life she has been a marketer, a journalist and a wedding planner.

Tindog Tacloban is her first novel and was inspired by a trip to the Philippines as a volunteer to help after the devastating typhoon known locally as Yolanda hit Tacloban on 8 November, 2013 and of from this book will go to benefit charities working to stop human trafficking and helping in disaster areas.

***

Many thanks for a great interview Claire,

Happy reading everyone,

Jenny x

 

 

 

Release Blitz from Laura Wilkinson: The Family Line

I’m delighted to bring you the blurb, and an exclusive extract, from the first novel to leave the well aimed pen of my lovely friend, Laura Wilkinson.

***

Set in a much-changed Britain in the mid-twenty-first century, The Family Line is the debut novel from acclaimed writer Laura Wilkinson, now revised and proudly reissued by Accent Press. An original exploration of identity, love and what it means to be a parent.

The Family Line

Blurb

Three women. One secret. A child with a deadly disease

Megan is a former foreign correspondent whose life is thrown into turmoil when her son is diagnosed with a terminal illness: a degenerative disease passed down the mother’s line. In order to save him, Megan will have to unearth the truth about her origins and about a catastrophic event from the past. She must confront the strained relationship she has with her mother, make sense of the family history that has been hidden from her all her life, and embark on a journey of self-discovery that stretches halfway around the world.

An exclusive extract:

Megan sat alone outside the office of an eminent doctor resident at the hospital. It was nine fifteen; her appointment had been scheduled for nine o’clock. She was grateful for the reprieve and didn’t understand why she didn’t want to go in.

She wore heeled sandals and a knee-length dress, cut from black cotton with bracelet sleeves and a slash neck. Her cheeks were dusted with a soft pink blush and her lips coated in a sheer gloss. She had looked elegant and quite lovely in her bedroom mirror but now she felt overdressed and wished she had worn her regulation black jeans. She had been keen to make a good impression, but she resented this desire to impress. What was she trying to prove? That she was a good mother? Surely only a vain, selfish woman would be concerned about appearance when discussing her child’s development? She wiped away the gloss with the back of her hand. She studied her pale shins, the blue veins visible beneath the surface in the harsh hospital light. A nurse told her the consultant was ready. Megan took a deep breath and stood.

He faced the window, his back to the door, and looked out onto a pleasant garden bordered with hydrangeas, hebe and St John’s Wort. The air was cool in the sparse, smart office though Megan felt perspiration gathering under her arms and across her brow with every click of her heels on the floor. The doctor commented on the fine weather, reminding her that each day comes but once, never to return, and as such should be treasured. Platitudes. She looked at the garden. It was beautiful but nothing compared to her boy.

When the doctor finally spun his chair to face her, Megan knew the news wasn’t good, and though her stomach churned she told herself it would not be anything insurmountable. After all, this wasn’t oncology or the ER. After asking her to take a seat, Mr Barnet, a phlegmatic, saturnine individual, informed her that Cerdic had a rare congenital condition, a hereditary disease, passed from mother to son, which would rob Cerdic’s body of its ability to function. ‘AMNA. It stands for Alekseyev Motor Neuron Atrophy, named after the Russian scientist who first discovered the defective gene. For reasons that have never been quite explained the condition appears to be more prevalent amongst the peoples of the East, the Slavs in particular,’ he said.

Megan’s mouth dried, her lips seemed to be welded together. She struggled to push the words out. ‘How serious is it?’

‘Very. I am sorry.’

‘What will it do to him?’ She could feel the thick white spit at the corners of her mouth. She went to wipe it away and realised that her hands were shaking.

‘It starts in the muscles as cells break down and are gradually lost. The muscles weaken over time. Your son has trouble jumping and climbing, yes?’ He didn’t wait for a reply. ‘By five years old AMNA boys are unable to walk far, and by seven or eight most are in a wheelchair. Nerve cells in the brain weaken, eventually failing to send messages to muscles and other vital organs like the lungs. Sufferers lose control of their bodies and minds. The average life expectancy …’ Megan watched his mouth move without hearing more words. Sunlight illuminated his form and she felt angry with the sun for shining.

‘How long do we have?’

He curled his lips inward. ‘If he reaches sixteen, it will be a miracle, of sorts,’ he said, delivering the news as if it were quotidian, finishing with a standard, ‘Do you have any further questions?’

Megan experienced a sensation similar, she imagined, to being eviscerated. It was as if he had ripped out her intestines, thrown them to the floor and squashed them underfoot, before asking if there was anything he could do to help with the pain.

She remembered the night Cerdic was born. Sweltering and still. Even the sea was silent. She stayed up all night, her body throbbing, unable to take her eyes from him, afraid that if she blinked he would disappear as miraculously as he had arrived. She remembered how, when he was tiny and slept in a cot in her room, she would wake to the sound of silence and rush to his bedside, placing a palm in front of his mouth, checking he still breathed. Like all mothers in the black moments she imagined a hundred ways he might be taken from her but nothing like this. She never, ever, imagined this.

Reeling from the shock, and working hard to control her spiralling emotions and liquid gut, she said, ‘There must be something we can do.’

‘As you will appreciate much research was abandoned, or more accurately put on hold, after 2025. Cerdic’s condition is, mercifully, extremely rare, and as such it has not been high priority for many, many years. In the past decade research has restarted. But it is a slow process, Mrs Evens.’ He returned to his garden as he spoke, and Megan thought there was nothing merciful about this disease.

‘Has this research thrown anything up yet?’ she said, adding, ‘It’s Miss Evens.’

Mr Barnet commented on a blackbird that hopped on the lawn before replying with indistinct mumblings.

Megan’s patience evaporated though she believed the consultant’s rudeness was not deliberate. She pressed for a clear reply.

‘There are signs to indicate that matching stem cell and blood plasma transplants, from suitable donors, can slow the progression of the disease. It works best if the donors are relatives, close relatives. Scientists believe they can stop the disease in its tracks altogether if administered early enough with a perfectly matched donor though there is no conclusive proof as yet.’

‘It is worth a try, Mr Barnet.’

‘Worth a try.’ He nodded absentmindedly.

‘Then we try it.’ Megan’s tone was polite but firm – this was not a request.

‘There is no sibling?’

‘There’s me.’

The consultant spoke of the viability of samples from her, Cerdic’s father, compatibility. He explained that it was most unusual, unheard of, for the mother, the carrier, to match, to be a suitable donor. She knew he meant no malice or blame – why would he? – but it pained her nevertheless. He rambled on, explaining the minutiae of technical detail. She twisted the ring on her left hand. Her mind flooded with images of Hisham. She would have to contact him. She knew there would be no question of him not helping but she allowed herself the irrational hope that contacting Hisham might not be necessary, that she might be the one in a million, in a manner of speaking. She left Mr Barnet’s office brim full of fear and hope, clutching a referral and a name for her son’s killer.

To buy: http://amzn.to/2ahSStC

Praise for the first edition:

Wilkinson ably navigates the tender, sometimes fraught exchanges between her protagonists. Though its scope is ambitious, and could easily have veered off-course, deft interweaving of complex themes makes for a haunting début.’ For Books’ Sake.

‘This is a compelling story that raises important issues and will linger in the mind long after the last page has been turned.’ Joanna Caney, New Books Magazine.

‘This mind-blowingly original novel asks big questions about a woman’s right to choose when to have children…  Ultimately, it questions how far is too far… This is a book that will haunt your dreams.’Pam McIlroy, Books at Broadway.

‘ This is an interesting and emotional début, and is highly recommended.’ Michelle Moore, Book Club Forum.

 ‘… a fantastic debut novel which surpassed my expectations.  I totally agree with one Amazon reviewer; this has got BBC 3-part drama written all over it! Simply fabulous!’ Kirsty, Book Love Bug.

LW 2 No 1 - dark, smile

About Laura

After working an actress and journalist, now Laura writes novels and short stories. She is published by award-winning independent press, Accent. Her novel, Public Battles, Private Wars, was a Welsh Books Council Book of the month; Redemption Song, is an insightful look at learning to forgive and love again after significant loss. The Family Line is set in a near future Wales and looks at identity and parenting. ‘It will haunt your dreams’ Books at Broadway. Alongside writing, she works as an editor for literary consultancies, Cornerstones and The Writing Coach, and runs workshops on self-editing and the art of fiction. She’s spoken at festivals and events nationwide, including London Metropolitan University, GladLit, University of Kingston, The Women’s Library and Museum in Docklands. www.laura-wilkinson.co.uk   Twitter @ScorpioScribble Facebook: Laura Wilkinson Author

***

Happy reading everyone,

Jenny xx

 

 

Guest Post from Carol McGrath: Stories that have Influenced my Writing

I love this guest post! Carol McGrath has given us a wonderful insight into some of the stories that set her on her own writing path. For me it was Robin Hood who made me pick up a pen, for Carol it was…Well why not grab a cuppa, put your feet up, and come and find out.

Over to you Carol…

The Handfasted WifeThe Betrothed Sister

I am delighted to be asked by Jenny to talk a little about books that I have loved in my youth and how these tales inspired me to write- even the novel that I amused myself writing, aged nine years old.

For those reading this, my novels are stories of real historical persons infused with a sense of adventure. I mix real historical characters who are researched with invented characters. The imagined personalities come from deep inside me, from the imaginative pool that grew out of my early reading tastes. Both The Handfasted Wife and The Betrothed Sister, historical novels about the noble women who survived the Battle of Hastings, contain a skald, poet and spy, as their most significant secondary character. His name is Padar.

Padar grew out of my youthful love of the Robin Hood legends, a passion I know that Jenny and I share. Padar owns rebellious characteristics, and becomes outlawed after The Battle of Hastings. Following the Norman Conquest he is constantly in danger. He is a small man in stature, clever, independent and resourceful. When Padar is charged by King Harold to watch over his wife and younger children, after the king’s defeat and death at Senlac, he travels with King Harold’s handfasted wife, Elditha (Edith Swan-Neck) to Ireland where she hopes to reach her sons, help them rebel against Norman rule and reclaim their lands. In The Betrothed Sister, Padar sails with Elditha’s daughter Thea (Gita) into Rus lands where her cousin, King Sweyn of Denmark, has arranged her marriage to a prince of Kiev. Padar, too, finds romance.

Five go to Treasure Island

The earliest novel I attempted to write was based on Enid Blyton’s Famous Five. I was nine years old, recovering from mumps, living with my family in a lonely home in the country. My childhood oeuvre was another adventure for George, Ann, Julian, Dick and Timmy the dog, set in a haunted house in Donegal- one we fantasised about on childhood holidays. The mountains lay behind and the sea in front so there was lots to imagine- lights flashing at night in the mountains, smugglers on the island we could see from the cottage we rented. I wrote in chapters and with pen and ink- laboriously in one of my Dad’s Ministry of Agriculture notebooks. Goodness knows what became of that valiant effort.

Jane Eyre

As an older child, I was influenced by writers such as Jane Lane and Geoffrey Treece. I had to read from my version of The Children’s Crusade out to an inspector who came to my school- another brave attempt to write a short novel. I loved The Rider of the White Horse by Rosemary Sutcliff.  It is about Thomas Fairfax, a Parliamentarian military leader during The English Civil War and it gave me an interest in the period. I also read many classics. Jane Eyre was, and still remains my favourite.  During my teens, I read everything I could borrow from the library by Jean Plaidy, Anya Seton and Margaret Irwin. Probably Seton’s Katherine stands out as a long-time influence on my writing today.

Katherine

Although my main degree is in English and Russian Studies, Medieval History was my subsidiary subject. It is such a strange world, accessible and inaccessible both, a truly foreign country, yet all around us. I have long enjoyed medieval romance as well as the history which reaches into the early Tudor period with its guilds, feast days, superstition, beautiful manuscript work and so on. I jump forward in time now, however because Thomas Hardy was my specialist English degree subject and he gave me a love for landscape and memorable female characters. Yet I also loved William Faulkner and E.M. Foster. Moreover, I read Pasternak’s Dr Zhivago over and over. It was just so romantic, a novel that contains the perfect mix of sweeping historical event and romance.

Far from the Maddening Crowd

Of course, my early stories were never published. Nor did I ever imagine I would one day be published. It was many, many years later that I began to write seriously. Mine was a long apprenticeship involving an MA in creative writing and an MPhil, short story writing, plays and poetry. Yet, I have never forgotten my very early writing experiences or all those wonderful novels I enjoyed reading in my youth. And so, if Padar has been an enduring secondary character in The Handfasted Wife, truthfully he grew out of my love for Robin Hood and stories of high adventure. I would say that my love of writing and for creativity has its foundations in my early reading and a fabulously imaginative childhood that allowed me so much time to read.

pregnant woman working***

Carol McGrath lives in Oxfordshire with her family. She has an MA in Creative Writing from The Seamus Heaney Centre, Queens University Belfast, followed by an MPhil in Creative Writing at Royal Holloway, University of London. Her debut novel, The Handfasted Wife, first in a trilogy about the royal women of 1066 entitled The Daughters of Hastings, was shortlisted for the RoNAS, 2014 in the historical category. The Swan-Daughter and The Betrothed Sister followed to complete this best-selling trilogy. Carol is the co-ordinator of the Historical Novels Association Conference Oxford September 2016.  Find Carol on her website:

www.carolcmcgrath.co.uk.

C McGrath twitter

Thank you Carol. It never ceases to amaze me the reach that some stories (in our cases, those of Robin Hood), have. Writing something that touches generations of people must be a truly magical feeling.

Happy reading everyone,

Jenny x

News Flash! Abi’s House goes on holiday…

Forgive the major brevity of this blog post lovely readers. I am currently engaged in a battle with a flu virus which is currently- I’m sad to say- ahead on points! (Not had a cup of coffee in 6 days. My family are all wearing hard hats and carrying shields in case I crack at any moment.)

This being the case, I am trying to take it easy- but I couldn’t wait another moment before I told you some very good news!

The most popular of all my bestselling books – Abi’s House– is to go on sale in Turkey! Who could have guessed that what the good people of Turkey craved was a feel good Cornish romance, with added coffee, and a side order of fish and chips?

Abi's House new cover

I am thrilled to bits! can’t wait to see what the Turkish version looks like when it comes out!!!

Anyway- I just wanted to pop my head out from the duvet to share this with you. Off to bed again now. Presuming I don’t still have flu, then the edits to the sequel of Abi’s House (Abi’s Neighbour), will begin in earnest very soon. You can read part two of the adventure’s of Abi Carter, Max, Beth, and Jake in Sumer 2017.

Sennen

In the meantime, you can find Abi’s House here- (as well as in all good bookshops)-

Kindle

Paperback
***
Happy reading,
Jenny x

 

Release Blitz: Melody Bittersweet and the Girl’s Ghostbusting Agency by Kitty French

MELODY BITTERSWEET AND THE GIRLS’ GHOSTBUSTING AGENCY by Kitty French

OUT NOW

UK: http://amzn.to/1TCU5Q7

US: http://amzn.to/1Z2CQpB

An absolutely hilarious, totally entertaining, spookily sexy read that you won’t be able to put down!

Melody-Bittersweet-and-The-Girls-Ghostbusting-Agency-


Life’s tricky for Melody Bittersweet. She’s single, she’s addicted to sugar and super heroes, her family are officially bonkers and … she sees dead people. Is it any wonder no-one’s swiping right on Tinder?
Waking up lonely on her twenty-seventh birthday, Melody finally snaps. She can’t carry on basing all of her life decisions on the advice of her magic 8 ball; things havegot to change.

Fast forward two months, and she’s now the proud proprietor of her very own ghostbusting agency – kind of like in the movies but without the dodgy white jumpsuits. She’s also flirting with her ex Leo Dark, fraternising with her sexy enemy in alleyways, and she’s somehow ended up with a pug called Lestat.

Life just went from dull to dynamite and it’s showing no sign of slowing up anytime soon. Melody’s been hired to clear Scarborough House of its incumbent ghosts, there’s the small matter of a murder to solve, and then there are the two very handsome, totally inappropriate men hoping to distract her from the job…

Welcome to Chapelwick, home of the brand new and hilarious Girls Ghostbusting Agency series, where things really do go bump in the night.

***

Chapter One

‘So, what do you do with your spare time, Melody?’

I look my date square in his pretty brown eyes and lie to him. ‘Oh, you know. The usual.’ I shrug to convey how incredibly normal I am. ‘I read a lot . . . Go to the movies. That kind of thing.’

I watch Lenny digest my words, and breathe a sigh of relief when his eyes brighten.

‘Which genre?’

‘Movies or books?’ I ask, stalling for time because, in truth, I don’t get much in the way of spare time to do either.

‘Movies. Action or romance? No, let me guess.’ He narrows his eyes and studies me intently. ‘You look like a sucker for a rom-com.’

‘Do I?’ I’m genuinely surprised. I’m five foot three and look more like Wednesday Addams than a Disney princess. Maybe Wednesday Addams is over-egging it, but you get the idea; I’m brunette and my dress sense errs on the side of edgy. I don’t think anyone has ever looked at me and thought whimsy. Maybe Lenny sees something everyone else has missed, me included. I quite like that idea, mainly because everyone who knows my family has a head full of preconceptions about me, based on the fact that my family are all crackers.

Four Weddings?’ He shrugs hopefully.

I nod, not mentioning that the only part of that particular movie I enjoyed was the funeral.

The Holiday?’

Again, I try to look interested and hold my tongue, because I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear that I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than ever watch an over-optimistic Kate Winslet drag some old guy around a swimming pool again.

I’m relieved when the bill arrives and we can get out of there, because so far Lenny has turned out to be a pretty stellar guy and somehow I’ve managed to convince him that I walk on the right side of the tracks. Maybe this time, things will be different.

Lenny pulls his dull, salesman’s saloon into the cobbled cartway beside my building and kills the engine. I don’t mind dull. In fact, my life could really use a bit of dull right now, so I shoot him my most seductive smile, cross my fingers that my mother will be in bed, and invite him in for coffee.

Oh, just when it had all been going so well. Why couldn’t I have just given him a goodnight kiss, with maybe the smallest hint of tongue as a promise, then sent him on his way? He’d have called for a second date, I’m sure of it.

But no. I got greedy, pulled him by the hand through the dark back door, placing my finger against my lips to signal he should be quiet as we tip-toed past my mother’s apartment and up the old wooden staircase to my place.

He rests his hand on my waist as I turn the key, and a small thrill shoots down my back. Look at me, winning at this being-an-adult thing today! Dinner with an attractive man, sparkling conversation, and now back to mine for coffee . . . and maybe even a little fooling around. It’s not that I’m a virgin or anything, but it would be fair to call my love life patchy of late. By ‘of late’ I mean the last two years, ever since Leo Dark and I called things off. Well, by Leo and I, I mean Leo called things off, citing conflict of interests. Ha. Given that he was referring to the fact that my mad-as-a-bag-of-cats family are the only other psychics in town besides him, he was, at least in part, right.

But enough of Leo and my lamentable love life. Right now, all I want is for Lenny not to know anything at all about my peculiar family, to keep seeing me as a cool, regular, completely normal girl, and then to kiss me.

‘You remind me of Clara Oswald,’ Lenny whispers behind me at the top of the stairs. ‘All big brown eyes and clever one-liners. It’s very sexy.’

Lord, I think he’s just brushed a kiss against the back of my neck! My door sticks sometimes so I shoulder it open, aiming for firm and graceful but, I fear, ending up looking more like a burly police SWAT guy ramming it down. Thankfully, Lenny seems to take it in his stride and follows me into my apartment. Then I flick on the table lamp only to discover that my mother is standing on my coffee table in a too-short, too-sheer, baby-blue negligee with her arms raised towards the ceiling and her head thrown back.

‘Shit!’ Lenny swears down my ear, clearly startled. He isn’t to blame. My mother’s a striking woman, ballerina-tall and slender with silver hair that falls in waves well beyond her shoulder blades. It isn’t grey. It’s been pure silver since the day she was born, and right now she looks as if she’s just been freshly crucified on my coffee table.

I sigh as I drop my bag down by the lamp. So much for me being normal.

‘Err, mother?’

Slowly, she takes several heaving breaths and opens her eyes, changing from crazy lady to almost normal human lady. She stares at us.

‘For God’s sake, Melody,’ she grumbles, taking her hands from above her head and planting them on her hips. ‘I almost had the connection then. He’s hiding out in the loft, I’m sure of it.’

I risk a glance over my shoulder at Lenny, who sure isn’t kissing my neck anymore.

He lifts his eyebrows at me, a silent ‘what the hell?’ and then looks away when my mother beckons to him like a siren luring a fisherman onto the rocks.

‘Your hand, please, young man.’

‘No!’ I almost yell, but Lenny is already across the room with his hand out to help her down. My mother eyes me slyly as she steps from the table, keeping a firm hold of Lenny’s hand.

‘Long lifeline,’ she murmurs, tracing her red talon across Lenny’s palm.

‘Mother,’ I warn, but my somber, cautionary tone falls on her selectively deaf ears. I expected nothing else, because she’s pulled this trick before. Admittedly, the standing-on-the-table thing is a new twist, but she’s got form in scoping out my prospective boyfriends to make sure they’ll fit in with our screwball family from the outset. Not that her romantic gauge is something to put any stock in; Leo passed her tests with flying colours and look how that ended up. I got my heart broken and he got a spot on morning TV as the resident psychic. Where’s the justice in that?

Look, we may as well get the clanky old skeleton out of the family closet early on here, people. It’s going to come out sooner or later, and despite my attempts to pull the wool over Lenny’s eyes, there’s never any running away from this thing for long.

My name’s Melody Bittersweet, and I see dead people.

It’s not only me. I’m just the latest in a long line of Bittersweets to have the gift, or the curse, depending on how you look at it. My family has long since celebrated our weirdness; hence the well-established presence of our family business, Blithe Spirits, on Chapelwick High Street. We’ve likely been here longer than the actual chapel at the far end of the street. That’s probably why, by and large, we’re accepted by the residents of the town, in a ‘they’re a bunch of eccentrics, but they’re our bunch of eccentrics,’ kind of way. What began as a tiny, mullion-windowed, one-room shop has spread out along the entire row over the last two hundred years; we now own a run of three terraced properties haphazardly knocked into one, big, rambling place that is both business and home to not only me, but also to my mother, Silvana, and her mother, Dicey. Gran’s name isn’t actually Dicey, it’s Paradise, officially, but she’s gone by Dicey ever since she met my Grandpa Duke on her fifteenth birthday and he wrote Dicey and Duke inside a chalk heart on the back wall of the building. He may as well have written it on her own racing heart.

‘Silvana!’

Speak of the devil. Does no one go to bed around here?

I open my door to find Gran on the threshold with her hand raised, poised to knock. I guess I should be glad she’s slightly more respectably dressed, if a floor-length, purple shot-silk kimono, bearing huge technicolor dragons could be considered as such. Her usually pin-curled gold hair is piled elegantly on her head and she wears a slash of fire-engine-scarlet lipstick for good measure. Most people couldn’t carry the look off, but thanks to her poise, confidence and couldn’t-care-less attitude, Grandma Dicey wears it with artful success. She glides past me without invitation and gazes at my mother and Lenny, who are still hand-in-hand on the rug.

God.

First thing tomorrow morning, I swear, I’m going to look for a new place to live, somewhere, anywhere, that is not in the same building as my mother and my gran. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a charming old place and I love my family dearly. It’s not even as if I don’t have my own space here, because, theoretically at least, I do. Mum and Gran have the ground floor apartment behind Blithe Spirits, and I have the smaller flat upstairs, at the back. In lots of ways this makes me fortunate; I get to have a nice little home of my own and stay close to my family. It would all be fine and dandy, were it not for the fact that my family are officially bonkers and liable to come up and let themselves into my flat – using the spare key I gave them for dire emergencies only – and embarrass the shit out if me.

‘Why is Silvana entertaining a man half her age in your flat?’ Gran looks from me to my mother. ‘You should have said you were expecting company, darling. I’d have gone out.’ She touches her hand lightly against her hair. ‘Put a towel on the doorknob or something, isn’t that the modern way to signal these things? Don’t come a knockin’ if the caravan’s rockin’?’

She looks spectacularly pleased with herself, and one glance at Lenny tells me that he knows he’s way out of his depth with these two and is in the process of writing me off as the worst date he’s ever had. His eyes slide from me to the door, and I can almost hear him begging me to let him go unharmed.

‘He’s not mum’s date, he’s mine. Or else, he was,’ I mutter, and then I’m distracted as a beer-bellied pensioner in a soup-stained shirt slowly materialises through the ceiling, his flannel trousers not quite meeting his bony ankles. Stay with me; I see dead people, remember? As do my mother and my grandmother, who also watch him descend with matching expressions of distaste.

‘Finally,’ my mother spits, dropping Lenny’s hand so she can round on the new arrival. ‘Two hours I’ve been chasing you around this bloody building. Your wife wants to know what you’ve done with the housekeeping she’d hidden in the green teapot. She says you better not have lost it on the horses or she’s had it with you.’

Grandma Dicey rolls her eyes. ‘I rather think she’s had it with him anyway. He’s been dead for six weeks.’

‘You’re a fine one to talk, given that you still sleep with your husband twenty years after he died.’ Mother flicks her silver hair sharply. Touché.

Lenny whimpers and bolts for my front door, turning back to me just long enough to splutter ‘something’s come up, gotta go,’ before he hoofs it out and down the stairs two at a time.

I listen to the outside door bang on its hinges and wonder what came up. Probably his dinner.

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